I had a vague plan about doing what I hoped would be a sorta funny post about what has been going on in my life in the last month, but that got completely blown away this weekend. I found out that one of the other members of one of the message boards that I am on is in the last stages of his fight with cancer.
Now, to be honest I had wondered if he was reaching that stage based on one of the last posts he had made, but since there was no confirmation of that at the time I felt comfortable stuffing that thought into an unused back corner of my mind and ignoring it. I can't ignore it anymore, so I've been a mess for the last few days at least in the privacy of home. I'm sad, I'm upset, but above all I am really really mad. This is someone who has fought this with a huge amount of grace and humor (he named the first tumor Fluffy for god's sake) and I am furious that this is happening to him. I'm not the type of person to try to make deals with the gods or feels that everything should be fair, but this is so wrong and there is nothing I can do about it which makes me even madder.
Cancer is something that is familiar to me, my mother's family has a pretty high incidence of it, and I've disliked it for a long time, but in the past years that hatred has gotten stronger and stronger as it steals those who are dear to me. I wish that hate alone would get rid of cancer, I wish it would stop the relentless march, I wish. . .