Thursday, January 12, 2006

Trade offs

Another bad joint day so still no work on any projects. I did get the metal shelf organizer I had ordered so I did reorganize part of the cabinet where I keep the dyes, paints, and finishes for my leatherwork so the evening wasn't a complete loss.

I'm also stuck with a dilemma. A is getting two Senegal parrots and is going down to the aviary this Saturday for their parrot care class and has asked if I want to go. I'd like to, because I will need to know how to care for the parrots as well, but the class is at 9 am and we'd have to leave the house at around 7:30 am to get there, which means I wouldn't be able to sleep in. Now, this may seem a bit trivial, but it really isn't for me because of the fatigue that has come with my RA. I use the weekends to sleep in and recover from not getting quite enough sleep and having to push through the fatigue for work during the week. Losing some of that means next week will be much harder for me. I do have Monday off which means I have that day to make up for missing the extra sleep on Saturday, but it would be nice to have the extra day of sleeping in. I hate the fact that my life is now filled with this sort of equation, I have to weigh every little thing, look at the price I could end up paying and decide if it's worth it. One of the best ways I've found to describe the feeling is the essay on the spoon theory that can be found at:
Now, I don't have to make quite as many choices as the author describes on that page, or even the same type of choices, but I do have to sit back and assess where things stand every day and decide what I can and can't do. I can get myself through work and do my job, but I'm not up to doing much in the evening and by Friday night I'm worthless. If we do something that requires an early start on a Saturday, I know I'm going to pay for it over the next week. If I want to do a large cleaning project on the weekend I either have to do it first thing so I have my maximum level of energy or break it down into smaller chores that I can spread out. I have to pay attention so I can notice when I start to tire out or hurt too much so I can take a break. I miss being able to just do what I wanted when I wanted to. It's such a simple thing, but I'd give almost anything to have that back.

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